Greetings, alien from Saturn! You have stepped in the online abode of Alicia, which houses his/her mindless musings and lovely rantings.
You're obviously permitted to have a look around, but of course, itchy fingers aren't entertained - so don't take what's not yours. ;)
For most parts
Sunday, November 01, 2009 @ 10:41 AM

For the first time after a fight at home, I met a friend without mentioning the commotion last night. To be honest, I didn't want to. Because for most parts, I just want to forget and be happy for a change.

The gathering storm clouds did not cease when I stepped home. The usual tension and ignoring. For most parts I didn't want to care. For some reason though, I still want to speak up and let someone listen to me for a change.
At home lies this huge bulging carpet in the middle of the living room with everyone walking around it and pretending that it didn't matter and it doesn't bother. I wonder and regret about the slap that i didn't receive. Because for most parts I wished that it happened and perhaps this is one of the ways to get all the dirt out from under the rug. Though I agree this may not be the best way. But it could jolly well be the only way.

For the rest of the day we could jolly well be ignoring each other's looks and well with vehement hate for each other. We'll wait like how we're used too. Let time sweep everything under the rug.
Let the misunderstood misunderstand and the suffering suffer.
to which I have concluded that even if I ran away from home and joined the circus, our got into trouble with the law, I'll be forgiven once I step home after sometime. but for now the crime that I didn't understand nor believe that I've committed lay in an obvious tell-tale sign of fingers pointed in my face behind my back.

For most parts keeping it in works.
or so I thought.
in our world "friends" are used so frequently and happily. In most parts they are correct. For once I don't want advice. They have given me nothing but pressure. I just want to know that someone, somebody would be there for me. I don't know how but I hope you do.

In a place where the lost wanders,
where do they have to be?
living a life others expect of you is like performing to an empty hall.
no applause.
not even from yourself.

God help me.

Bent over by the wind
Sunday, October 04, 2009 @ 1:32 AM

I imagine myself standing by a lonesome oak tree overseeing hills of green.
And as the world spins, for once I want to be left behind.

Occasionally I'll catch a falling leaf and turn it over to read its laugh lines.
If it were alive with its veins pulsating through its own broadness, it'll be a phenomenon sight.
Fingers on the tree's coarse bark and I smelt the smell of the oncoming wind.
A ting of heaviness reveals the oncoming rain.
The wind tells its stories and swiftly goes away.
Once again the world is still.
Once again the world is uninteresting.

For once if only I could catch the wind.
Jump into its back.
only then I'll be taken away like on a magic carpet.

If you could lean over far enough to reach the invisible clasps on the wind
as it rushes you by
then you could perhaps be taken along to the mysterious place that they are all going to.
If you could stay bent over in a permanent pose,
Head back and arms outstretched,
Time would stop and you would realize that children aren't all that naive when they do try to jump into the wind.

you have long forgotten what it is like.
you have long given up hope on things that seemingly whisk pass your outstretched hands.

Thought life and Anaerobic Digesters
Saturday, September 26, 2009 @ 12:03 AM

I burped in the library today.
before you start laughing, it's kinda important to realise that this is a natural phenomena.

What happened after, is the one thing that sets me into a thought cycle in the midst of learning about anaerobic digesters.

I said " Excuse me".

you must be thinking what kind of stupid post is this?!?! talking about burping and excuse-mes it's all part and parcel of daily life RIGHT?!

wrong!
I wonder why would someone burp and say excuse me as though there was an invisible person beside him or her. I mean, come on! there's NO ONE to say excuse me to.

Caught in the same scenario, I looked around and no one hardly notices my burp. It seemed pretty simple to say that you're simply saying "excuse me" to whoever so has heard your burp and is offended (or most of the time cannot be bothered).

No wonder it is a norm for someone to burp and whisper excuse me under their breaths!
*I used to be unwilling to oblige to this norm (simply because I think I that I'm not schizophrenic and have no imaginary friends to say excuse me to when i burp) *

You have to say " Excuse Me" as LOUD as you burp!
(bet you didn't know that)

Simple! it'll mean that whoever hears your burp will hear your "Excuse Me" and whoever didn't hear the former, won't here the latter too! Fantastic!

So if you burped loudd enough to get the attention of the whole library, you should then shout out your Excuse me :)
I'm so glad no one heard me burp.
Nonetheless I succumbed to weird human idiosyncrasies and whispered " excuse me"
A revelation to an otherwise mundane life with awkward norms.

I should write a book about this.

Skipping over Stones(SOS) II
Friday, August 28, 2009 @ 12:39 AM

Breathe and you know that you're alive.

I've never serial-ize my blog but i guess i want to jot down some thoughts in what i call the SOS period of life i'm currently claiming that i'm going through.

SOS does not stand for Save Our Samaritan.
It's simply Skipping over Stones as the title suggest.
I realised that life does not consist of just seasons. Consistently oscillating seasons of good or bad.
Sometimes i feel like i'm living in an indescribable season. Season of uncertainty.
Like you're being hurtled into the Air. The sudden Euphoria coupled with Fear.
At your Peak you know that you're coming down.
The sudden impact. The sudden groundedness.
Then Once again,
Up in the air.

Like Smooth pebbles skipping over the river stones.
A unique and yet ordinary scene.
Tranquil, Painful, moving on, seeking rest.

And yet Life there's so much to think about.
but yet there's really no need to think about.

Simple answers to complex thoughts.
What a balance.
What a distraught.

Skipping over Stones
Wednesday, August 26, 2009 @ 2:24 PM

What's life all about?
Why do we have differing personalities, Ups and downs in our Lives?

Why questions from childhood days that leads to no answers;
Why are we alive?
Why is the sky blue?
If you came from your parents, where do you ultimately come from?
Why are we here?
Why are we asking all these questions?

In built homing devices beep resoundingly in my mind.
Who made me?
What am I engineered for?

Like a dead soul with no dream, so we wander away aimlessly. Chasing what we thought were important.
We accumulate money viable on Earth.
yet when we die we need money viable in Heaven.
We choose to believe we are good people. Others around us agree.
But By whose standards do we judge ourselves?

Man judging man for a chance to convince ourselves that we've heaven bound.
We are but a fickle race.
Murder justified as honor killing. On the otherside of earth, someone hung for manslaughter. Poor toiling their lives away just to survive a day on Earth. The Rich have enough to experience Heaven on Earth. But when they leave Earth... what do they have left?

Busy-ness keeps our mind away from thinking about our Lives, our Origin, God.
There is no time left to think back.
We are but a conveyor belt generation.
moving along ahead with no time to look back.
What do you do when you reach the End of the line?

Life without Faith,
gives Death an appalling victory.

Sickness from Sadness
Sunday, July 26, 2009 @ 10:13 PM

Can you really fall sick from sadness?
or is it a myth that soaps convinced me to believe?

well, i believe.
falling sick is a sign of weakness.
being constantly emotional is to me too a sort of weakness.
I believe it because i want to convince myself ..
to be void of emotions.

why should we be led away by what we feel?
why should we tear over sorrowful events?
what can tears solve?
what can weakness solve?

When we cry over unresolved stress or misunderstanding
does it solve anything?
do we feel better?

I wonder if there could be anyone else on earth who could fully understand your own emotions and psyche.
I wonder if anyone fully understood what's being told to you or do you just nod because it's the right thing to do. To SHOW that you understand when you don't.
you don't.

It's only my job alone to exorcise my own demons
well, who can do this job for you?
would someone who listens and give advices make you feel better?
would your problems dissolve when you dissolve your emotions?
I do wonder.
I do.

Why does God create such a strange creature?
the tree;
quiet, detached, bendable, immovable.
This simple thing
This impossible task.

A chasing of the Wind
Tuesday, July 07, 2009 @ 3:33 PM

Beautiful stories are sad stories.

Nobody remembers a story that contains pure distilled happiness and retells it over and over again. The truth is, happy stories do not impact the listener as much as a sad story.
During the days where only narratives were recommended and written in school, I used to get all the honour writing sad stories. With them read aloud in class, everyone gasp aloud when the punch comes at the end of the story. That's how it should be written. Sad and Melancholic.

Nobody likes to read a story about a perfect picnic in a perfect park with a perfect family. They like Desperate Housewifey stories. happy on the outside, sinister on the inside.
No one likes " On Sunday, we were having a picnic in the Park..."
Instead, they like " ALTHOUGH it was a Sunday and we were having WHAT SEEMS like a picnic in a Park....". Truth be told. This is what appeals to us. Because this is Life.

We cannot relate to perfect stories because we are not perfect and we were never perfect.
How does a perfect story seem to us? it never tells of real life. And we cannot understand pure happiness because we live in a corrupted world. And none of us ever lived a life full of nothing but happiness.
Happiness was cut short following a tragic event. The world was at peace until the markets crashed. People cry and children die. We mourn for a moment and then we forget about it. People race to reach the top stepping on each other. Forgetting how we congratulated and openly admired each other when someone did well. We harbor in our hearts jealousy and envy.
What's the end of all these? The chase for wealth and money is endless. Where does this endless road lead to?

This is what King Solomon said in all his God given wisdom:
Riches Are Meaningless
8 If you see the poor oppressed in a district, and justice and rights denied, do not be surprised at such things; for one official is eyed by a higher one, and over them both are others higher still.
9 The increase from the land is taken by all; the king himself profits from the fields.

10 Whoever loves money never has money enough;
whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.
This too is meaningless.

11 As goods increase,
so do those who consume them.
And what benefit are they to the owner
except to feast his eyes on them?

12 The sleep of a laborer is sweet,
whether he eats little or much,
but the abundance of a rich man
permits him no sleep.

13 I have seen a grievous evil under the sun:
wealth hoarded to the harm of its owner,

14 or wealth lost through some misfortune,
so that when he has a son
there is nothing left for him.

15 Naked a man comes from his mother's womb,
and as he comes, so he departs.
He takes nothing from his labor
that he can carry in his hand.

16 This too is a grievous evil:
As a man comes, so he departs,
and what does he gain,
since he toils for the wind?

17 All his days he eats in darkness,
with great frustration, affliction and anger.

18 Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him—for this is his lot. 19 Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. 20 He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.

Ecclesiastes 5:8-18

What's a perfect story to us? Then again, what's happiness to us without sadness? What's wisdom without fools? what's work without enjoyment?

Can a portrait be painted with white and not black? Or the other way around?

While we enjoy our toil in life, let us learn how to accept all this as part of Joy. For happiness cannot survive a crisis but Joy survives a lifetime.