Greetings, alien from Saturn! You have stepped in the online abode of Alicia, which houses his/her mindless musings and lovely rantings.
You're obviously permitted to have a look around, but of course, itchy fingers aren't entertained - so don't take what's not yours. ;)

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By post:

1. They come and go
2. The one metre rule and the invisible Ah Pek
3. Cry
4. Love and Life by Albert Einstein
5. For most parts
6. Bent over by the wind
7. Thought life and Anaerobic Digesters
8. Skipping over Stones(SOS) II
9. Skipping over Stones
10. Sickness from Sadness

By month:

1. February 2005
2. March 2005
3. April 2005
4. May 2005
5. June 2005
6. July 2005
7. August 2005
8. September 2005
9. October 2005
10. November 2005
11. December 2005
12. February 2006
13. March 2006
14. April 2006
15. May 2006
16. June 2006
17. July 2006
18. September 2006
19. November 2006
20. December 2006
21. January 2007
22. February 2007
23. March 2007
24. April 2007
25. May 2007
26. June 2007
27. July 2007
28. August 2007
29. November 2007
30. January 2008
31. February 2008
32. March 2008
33. May 2008
34. July 2008
35. August 2008
36. September 2008
37. October 2008
38. November 2008
39. December 2008
40. January 2009
41. February 2009
42. April 2009
43. May 2009
44. July 2009
45. August 2009
46. September 2009
47. October 2009
48. November 2009
49. January 2010
50. February 2010

Your tagboard goes in here.

Maybe just leave.
And then forget how did you get there in the first place.
Seems nice at first,
thought could settle down for good.

The couch seems nice and comfy,
like the fluffiness of a cloud.
Then soon it all disappears,
compacted to the solid ground.

Light-headedness could work for the moment,
eventually you miss out.
Trying to spear the impermeable bubble,
it won't work you've missed out.

To get off the ground of immense suction,
takes so much pain and effort.
A long struggling battle,
A long suffering misfit.

Sooner or later part of the memories die
and we give up.
Maybe it's for the better,
It's no doubt when it's over.

For the umpteenth time I've been rounding the cramped carpark with no hope of ever getting a lot, here comes the most tiresome combination ever. My mum and my mum's paranoia. Jam packed streets are notorious for getting her to jam in on her invisible brakes and compress her body into her seat with her posture frozen into a perfectly upright stature and the frequent "stop stop STOP! Whoa!"

For me with the reckless (or good)judgment when it comes to the distance between cars, one metre between cars is fine when it comes to urgent braking. To a passenger, it IS awfully close. But for someone who knows the car, one metre IS one metre away from hitting the buttocks of the one in front.
Yet the usual argument ensues.

Entering the carpark we missed a lot. Blaming the lousy design of the carpark( there's no way of going back up), the constant suggestion of re-entering the carpark doggedly appears and reappears. Until the invisible Ah Pek draws the last straw.

Rounding up a corner I noticed an elderly human figure 10 steps away walking towards the store entrance. I see him. I took notice of him and with a= v^2/r, there's no way I'm going to hit him.

But my mum she saw in her mind a meteorite crashed onto the Earth. And with a shrill panicked voice she shouts "ah pek, Ah Pek, AH PEK!" I stopped rounding the bend and looked around for the 2nd Ah Pek (who was supposedly so close)but saw the previously spotted elderly man walking pass our car and then away.

"Mum, he wasn't even that close and I thought you saw ANOTHER one."

"..."

At the end of the day, everyone else got chased out of my car to move on with their lives (in this case it is shopping). And it's just me and my van exiting the carpark and rejoining the queue (not convenient AT ALL) to get the lot we missed earlier. This time there were no more Ah Peks and the one metre rule served me well. Then again, I guess given another 30 years, I'll be the one spotting invisible Ah Peks.

Thanks mum
You're the reason I'm safe.

When you were young, you cry when your friend cried.
it's a simple act of love.
To see someone important to you cry, it's only necessary that you share the heartache,
and cry your heart out.

Growing up I never got the opportunity to do so.
I cry for my own selfish purposes.
I cry when I'm hurt.
I cry when I'm wronged, forced, traumatized.

It was alright til I realized that it was no longer about me.
For once I cried with and for a friend.

Now I see myself struggling to write all these emotions down. To try to comprehend the messy muck swimming about in my head. I wish I didn't have to go through this roller coaster ride. It's tearing me apart.
Doing my daily duties I catch myself thinking out loud. I wonder if it's a tell-tale sign that I might just be going mad. But then again, we all lose ourselves sometimes. 2 parts of ourselves waging war against each other. Should one side win, the rest of our existence loses.

Before hurt morphs into anger and then denial,
I just want you to know that I'm glad you came back for me.
there wasn't much space for feelings to distort to and things to change.
but in that short 24 hours span,

you changed.
I changed.

When I turned the page of our friendship,
The colors on those familiar pages vanished.
You're different and I'm not sure how to act.
but it's all too familiar
It's all that I feared.

I wish you wouldn't destroy yourself this way. It's making my heart heavier by the minute.

When you wait for the rain, when you know it is coming, you lay in a quiet knowing wait for its presence.
To those who only have within themselves hope, you wait with your eyes closed.
To which both exercise faith. For the rain comes when it does and no amount of raindance is going to make it pour.

Sometimes in our relentless effort to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man/woman of deeds and not for the man/woman of words, for you will find rewarding happiness, not with the man/woman you love but with the man/woman who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow but never too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn'’t mean you have to stop loving; it only means that you allow that person to find his/her own happiness without expecting him/her to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you; but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in loving someone from a distance not expecting something in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.

Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love, that doesn’'t mean you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive, no past so bitter that love cannot accept, and no love so little that we cannot start all over with.

For the first time after a fight at home, I met a friend without mentioning the commotion last night. To be honest, I didn't want to. Because for most parts, I just want to forget and be happy for a change.

The gathering storm clouds did not cease when I stepped home. The usual tension and ignoring. For most parts I didn't want to care. For some reason though, I still want to speak up and let someone listen to me for a change.
At home lies this huge bulging carpet in the middle of the living room with everyone walking around it and pretending that it didn't matter and it doesn't bother. I wonder and regret about the slap that i didn't receive. Because for most parts I wished that it happened and perhaps this is one of the ways to get all the dirt out from under the rug. Though I agree this may not be the best way. But it could jolly well be the only way.

For the rest of the day we could jolly well be ignoring each other's looks and well with vehement hate for each other. We'll wait like how we're used too. Let time sweep everything under the rug.
Let the misunderstood misunderstand and the suffering suffer.
to which I have concluded that even if I ran away from home and joined the circus, our got into trouble with the law, I'll be forgiven once I step home after sometime. but for now the crime that I didn't understand nor believe that I've committed lay in an obvious tell-tale sign of fingers pointed in my face behind my back.

For most parts keeping it in works.
or so I thought.
in our world "friends" are used so frequently and happily. In most parts they are correct. For once I don't want advice. They have given me nothing but pressure. I just want to know that someone, somebody would be there for me. I don't know how but I hope you do.

In a place where the lost wanders,
where do they have to be?
living a life others expect of you is like performing to an empty hall.
no applause.
not even from yourself.

God help me.

I imagine myself standing by a lonesome oak tree overseeing hills of green.
And as the world spins, for once I want to be left behind.

Occasionally I'll catch a falling leaf and turn it over to read its laugh lines.
If it were alive with its veins pulsating through its own broadness, it'll be a phenomenon sight.
Fingers on the tree's coarse bark and I smelt the smell of the oncoming wind.
A ting of heaviness reveals the oncoming rain.
The wind tells its stories and swiftly goes away.
Once again the world is still.
Once again the world is uninteresting.

For once if only I could catch the wind.
Jump into its back.
only then I'll be taken away like on a magic carpet.

If you could lean over far enough to reach the invisible clasps on the wind
as it rushes you by
then you could perhaps be taken along to the mysterious place that they are all going to.
If you could stay bent over in a permanent pose,
Head back and arms outstretched,
Time would stop and you would realize that children aren't all that naive when they do try to jump into the wind.

you have long forgotten what it is like.
you have long given up hope on things that seemingly whisk pass your outstretched hands.

I burped in the library today.
before you start laughing, it's kinda important to realise that this is a natural phenomena.

What happened after, is the one thing that sets me into a thought cycle in the midst of learning about anaerobic digesters.

I said " Excuse me".

you must be thinking what kind of stupid post is this?!?! talking about burping and excuse-mes it's all part and parcel of daily life RIGHT?!

wrong!
I wonder why would someone burp and say excuse me as though there was an invisible person beside him or her. I mean, come on! there's NO ONE to say excuse me to.

Caught in the same scenario, I looked around and no one hardly notices my burp. It seemed pretty simple to say that you're simply saying "excuse me" to whoever so has heard your burp and is offended (or most of the time cannot be bothered).

No wonder it is a norm for someone to burp and whisper excuse me under their breaths!
*I used to be unwilling to oblige to this norm (simply because I think I that I'm not schizophrenic and have no imaginary friends to say excuse me to when i burp) *

You have to say " Excuse Me" as LOUD as you burp!
(bet you didn't know that)

Simple! it'll mean that whoever hears your burp will hear your "Excuse Me" and whoever didn't hear the former, won't here the latter too! Fantastic!

So if you burped loudd enough to get the attention of the whole library, you should then shout out your Excuse me :)
I'm so glad no one heard me burp.
Nonetheless I succumbed to weird human idiosyncrasies and whispered " excuse me"
A revelation to an otherwise mundane life with awkward norms.

I should write a book about this.